Headmaster on Holiday
by Skittlehog
Summary: It was quite a sight to see the Headmaster of Hogwarts squeezing out Muggle suntan lotion and lathering himself up. When he reached to apply it to his back, he realized he was in trouble. One-Shot. Co-Written with Lylian.


**A/N: Lylian and I wrote this over a year ago and I just found it in an old notebook. It's a bit random, Lylian thought we should "freshen up our skills with the Dumbledore one-shot". Ironically it's a Summer fanfic, enjoy.**

_Headmaster on Holiday_

By Skittlehhog and Lylian

"_As far as informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, full-length wizard's robes, and pointed hat, stretched out on a beach somewhere, rubbing suntan lotion onto his long crooked nose."_ (GoF, 21)

- - - - -

Harry's glasses slid down his nose as he nodded off to sleep. Meanwhile, on the coast of Australia, the Headmaster was doing just that.

It was exactly noon when, Albus Dumbledore apparated onto a sunny Australian beach, the gentle breeze blowing his spangled wizard robes and long beard. He was of course, completely out of place, and realized at once at the sight of the half-naked men and women.

Within seconds, Dumbledore was sporting a striped red and white, full-body bathing suit. The suit looked as if it had come straight out of the early 1900s, accompanied with sunglasses and squishy matching sandals.

With his new attire, Albus Dumbledore hobbled to the nearest food booth, for the tight material of the suit was not kind to his lower region. He would have conjured them to comfort, but he felt this fine summer day would be best spent blending in. Or as much of blending in as a hundred-and-something year old wizard could manage.

The hotdog stand had a substantial amount of people waiting for refreshments. Just as he joined the crowd, three teenage boys decided to cut in front of him. They reminded Dumbledore of three particular students back at Hogwarts and decided that the best way to deal with the boys was to talk to them in a calm and polite manner.

"My fine young men, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

The middle boy, most likely the leader turned to face him. At once the boy took in Dumbledore's appearance and burst into hysterics.

"Mate, what the heck are you wearing?"

"Well I am aware that I am wearing a swimming suit, used to cover the body in the event of swimming. It is not only waterproof, but wind resistant as well," responded Dumbledore.

The boy looked at him strangely.

"You smart or something, mate? Think you know everything, you a wiz or something?"

Dumbledore smiled. "For the purpose of this conversation, yes, I am a 'wiz' as you so eloquently called it."

The boy rolled his eyes and turned around but Dumbledore grasped his shoulder and spun him around to face him.

"It would have been polite not to roll your eyes," said Dumbledore calmly.

The boy rolled his eyes and turned, but once again Dumbledore turned him back to face him.

"Please do not turn away from me young man, rudeness is most uncalled for."

"Leave me alone!" Yelled the boy and he spun around back to his friends, but this time when he turned, he did not stop.

He began spinning faster and faster until no one could see the expression of terror on his face. The teenage boy's friends tried frantically to stop the spinning, but it was out of their control.

Onlookers stared as the boy spun from his spot in line and across the beach with his friends running frantically behind. Dumbledore brushed the sand from his swimming attire and proceeded to the hotdog stand, for now no one was in his way.

The young hotdog stand clerk stared at Dumbledore.

"Um," he said nervously. "C-Can I help you sir?"

"Why, yes, you can my dear boy," replied Dumbledore. "Do you have anything with...lemons?"

"We have lemonade," squeaked the spotted boy.

"Ah!" Cried Dumbledore, as the boy nearly jumped two feet in the air. "A glass of lemonade would be marvelous. Along with one of your hotdogs."

The boy shakily handed Dumbledore his lemonade, spilling some in the process and gave him his hotdog. Now all Dumbledore has to do was pay.

He thought for a moment about how he was going to produce his money without the Muggle boy knowing.

"Ah," said Dumbledore, reaching towards the boy who was now shaking so furiously his teeth were chattering. "Here it is!"

As he pulled out his money from behind the poor boy's ear, the boy screamed, his eyes thick with moisture.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead and gratefully took the headmaster's money. As soon as Dumbledore left, the boy went to take his break, leaving a much larger man to cover.

After his snack, Dumbledore decided to go for a swim. But not before he applied suntan lotion. It was quite a sight to see the Headmaster of Hogwarts squeezing out Muggle suntan lotion and lathering himself up. When he reached to apply it to his back, he realized he was in trouble. As long as his arms were, he couldn't reach. He looked around for a possible solution.

A young brunette girl walked passed him in an itsy bitty tiny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.

"Excuse me miss, may I ask for your assistance in a small matter?" Asked Dumbledore, holding up his lotion.

"Ew no way, not for you, you dirty old man!" She ran to he posse, who later all threw disgusted looks at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore sighed. "Dirty? I should have lathered, rinsed and _repeated_ this morning."

Dumbledore looked around again. This time, a built blond man holding a surf board, was running towards the rumbling waves.

"May I bother you for one minute?" Asked Dumbledore.

"Totally dude," responded the surfer.

"Pardon? I don't quite understand your meaning."

"Oh you know mate...sure."

"Excellent, excellent. Now I cannot apply the suntan lotion on my back, now if you could be so kind as to..."

"Whoa dude, that's, um..."

"Weird? Strange? Odd? Awkward?" Added Dumbledore. "Yes, well, how would you like it if you had arms as gangly and long as mine and not able to apply the sun protection lotion onto your back. You would be very disappointed at your lack of flexibility, wouldn't you?"

Well...I...fine dude, just hide behind my board while I do this."

Dumbledore soon emerged from behind the surf board, lathered up and ready for a cool dip.

"Dude, how about catching some gnarly surf?"

"I beg your..."

"Surfing dude!" Said the surfer, handing Dumbledore an extra board.

"Oh I suppose a quick dip. But I've never done it before."

The surfer explained that all Dumbledore had to do was lay on the board, paddle out, turn and catch the wave. Dumbledore stroked his long beard, trying to comprehend what exactly the surfer was saying. He grabbed the surf board and followed into the ocean. As the wave approached, Dumbledore was instructed to turn, which he did and began to paddle.

The wave took Dumbledore and he stood up, riding along quite peacefully until suddenly the wave took over and Dumbledore went down with a gigantic splash. Moments later, he emerged from the sea and swam back to land. As he set foot on the sand, he realized he was no longer on the same beach. The beach here, seemed to have no swimming suits at all. The women on the beach flocked towards the newcomer.

"Well," said Dumbledore. "When in Rome..."

- - - - -

Harry awoke with a start, a disgusted look plastered on his face, what a nightmare he had had. Next time he would try not to think of what Dumbledore did on his holidays before falling asleep.

**A/N: Please review and let us know what you thought!**


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